Searching for Contentment

The past few weeks I've really recognized a lack of contentment with my life. I'm always searching for what is next. Wishing I was in a different stage of life. Jealous of other people and their lives.

But as often as I wish and long for something else, something different, or something more, I realize I am not being thankful for what I have and where I am. My life is great. I am saved by the grace of God. I have a husband who loves me dearly. We both have jobs, a house in a safe neighborhood, food in our tummies and fridge, and plenty of stuff to read/do/enjoy. We have a wonderful church body, amazing friends, and families that would do anything for us. We have goals, and have the ability to work towards those goals. Jeff plays guitar. I do crafty artsy things. There is no reason I shouldn't be happy to be exactly where God has us exactly at this moment.

I think there are two main reasons I'm not content.

First, my view of my life and the lives of others is skewed. When I'm living day to day, I don't really stop each time something is great and just take it in. Instead it passes by with the rest of the day - good and bad. But when I look at someone else's life, I only see the highlights and then extrapolate those highlights onto the rest of their life. Then when I compare their perfect life with my glazed over good-bad, it doesn't compare, and its easy to be unhappy with where I am.

And second {and more importantly}, I'm not grateful for where I am and what I have because I do not recognize God's grace in placing me in this life. I'm not saturated in the word, and therefore I do not easily recognize the power of God in my life. I don't fully understand my sin and therefore do not fully understand forgiveness of sin.

Having the right perspective comes so much more naturally when Christ is the center-focus of my life, and therefore, a constant reminder in day-to-day activities. But what I have to remember is that Christ-centeredness cannot come by simply being a Sunday church-goer and attending an occasional bible study. I must be saturated in the word and allow God to work in my heart. I have to be disciplined to read and pray in order that my heart may change. But I must be disciplined. It is easy to say I will, and easy to think I will, but to put it into practice is hard. To overcome all my excuses and my laziness is extremely difficult.

There is no reason to not look forward to the future and to other stages of life, as long as the future doesn't becomes more important than the present and does not become more important than Christ. Lord, teach me to be content with where you have me today and what you have given me to do and to be.

Exhausted

I am exhausted. I feel like I'm a steam engine that's been running at full speed with with no fuel for weeks. Everyday when I wake up I think about when I'll get to go back to sleep.

This past week was an especially long and rough week. I had lots of homework and projects. I spent every night in the library printing and every morning catching up on homework for other classes.

I keep telling myself, "Just one more day. Tomorrow you can go to bed earlier." ...or, "I'll take a nap when I get home." Now its turning into, "just make it through the week.. Next week is spring break and you can rest then."

Unfortunately, there seems to be no end in sight. Spring break may be next week, but shortly thereafter I have some papers and exams due, so I should really be spending the majority of my break pounding those out so I won't be stressing over them later. Theres just too much to do and too little time.

Everything suffers when I have weeks like last week. Jeff was sick, but I had no time to take care of him. Dinners consisted of Taco Bell or soup. I didn't do any chores or housework and although Jeff and I picked up yesterday, the house is already a mess again, mostly due to my finishing up my photography project. Worst of all, I let my devotions fall to the wayside.. which in turn causes more stress and anxiety.

I was talking to a friend in class the other day and sharing how I wished I had a magical clock or something to stop time so I could catch up on homework and sleep and then restart the clock when I was caught up. He remarked that although this would be neat, it would mean I would have to be God. It made me think. So often I think of silly things that I wish were possible, without stoping to realize that God controls everything. And although He's not going to magically stop time for me, He is my strength. He only gives me what I can handle.

Things may be hard, and I may be tired, but it is only a small trial in life and so tiny compared to the trials of many all around the world. If I am able to wait on the Lord and be faithful to trust in Him, I can be a witness for Him through my trials.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself, each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

What happened?

I started a blog a couple days ago... (I was so excited to be officially start blogging!) Unfortunately I ran out of time to finish my blog because finishing dinner was more important. I thought I'd saved it.. but apparently not. So here I am again, taking a 2nd attempt and my 1st blog. Unfortunately all the grandeur and excitement of it being my first has flown away.

Anyway, I suppose it'd be best to introduce myself. My name is Harmony. I was named after the harmonic convergence of all the planets. [hey harmony... what's that?] ...its when all the planets line up in a straight line. Its rare, and occured (as my parents would say) when I was just "a twinkle in their eyes." My parents were hippies when they were younger, and although they weren't hippies when they raised me, some of it's influence trickled over. [We recycled, did lots of camping, and celebrated the summer/winter solstices..] I used to hate my name when I was younger. Kids can be cruel. However, I was better off with Harmony than Cosmo (thank goodness I wasn't a boy...) Today I love my name, it makes me unique, and usually means that people don't easily forget me.

I'm a native Nevadan, born and raised in Carson City and Tahoe. I'm a small town girl, and love being outdoors. I'm also a college student, hoping to graduate May 2010 with a Bachelor's Degree in Art, emphasis in Photography, and a minor in Business. My first semester I was declared as a Math major and a photography minor (I've always been good at math so I figured that's what I get my degree in). I quickly changed to undecided. For the next two years, I took all kinds of classes trying to decide what I wanted to do. I took accounting, social work, economics, information systems, ceramics, and a few other courses. All the while I was still taking photography classes for my minor. I knew I wanted to do photography on some level, but always felt pressured by society and my parents to make sure I got a degree in something I could do something with, even if it wasn't something I loved. In the end, however, I decided to go with what I loved and switched to photography as my major and since I'd enjoyed some of the business classes I chose business as my minor. I love all sorts of arts (ceramics/pottery, painting, photography, music) but photography just seemed like a better fit for a major.

I've always been an artist at heart. My mom taught me how to sew and make my own clothes when I was little. Together, we made all my halloween costumes and dress up clothes. As I grew older, I commonly shopped at thrift stores and then altered my purchases to make them into something new. High school is the time when my love and talent for art emerged. The only art class I took in high school was pottery (for 3 years). I also tried my hand at painting, and began exploring photography when I received my first camera at 16 years old.

Since then I've grown immensely. I've taken drawing, ceramics, and photography in college. In college I discovered there are two sides to photography: commercial (portraits, weddings, stock) and art (conceptual based). I love both sides. In my courses we focus on the conceptual art side of photography, and in my free time I'm working on building my commercial portfolio. I'll post pictures or links to pictures later.

I'm 20 years old, and some would say I'm mature for my age. I'm married. I've been married for two years. I got married 3 months after I graduated from high school. The question I always get after I tell people this is, "do you have any kids?" No, my husband and I don't. But we do plan on having children in a couple years. For now, we have a fun (and aggravating) golden retriever named Gracie. (More to come about her later). My husband's name is Jeffory, or Jeff for short. He's an amazing husband. Being married isn't like how its portrayed in the movies. Its takes dedication and patience. Love is not an emotion but an action that you must choose to do. Marriage is one of the most if not the most challenging relationship in life, but it is also the most rewarding.

One other key thing about me is that I am a Christian. I believe that the bible is the inspired word of God. I believe in the doctrines of grace, and that Christ should be the center of my life. I attend Grace Community Church. You can visit there website here: http://www.gracenevada.com/ or read their blog here http://gracenevada.blogspot.com/

So why blog? I'm not completely sure, but lately I've really noticed how fake people are. Maybe fake isn't the right word. What I mean is that everyone puts on some sort of mask or facade for others. You aren't an open book for everyone to see. You choose very carefully what you say and how you say it (even if you don't always realize that you are). This is my attempt to be me, to be open and share my thoughts and feelings. A way to let go of the shield I put up and try to openly be me. I'm not sure if anyone will read this or any of my blogs. I hope that what I have to say will be interesting to at least some people.

;] Thats all for now! More to come soon!
Harmony